Vegan, Vegeterian

How to Upset Western New Yorkers – Buffalo Chicken Cauliflower

My family is from Buffalo. There are many ways to piss us off (we’re a feisty bunch), which include, but are in no way limited to:

  1. Mentioning Scott Norwood and/or our four consecutive Super Bowl losses
  2. Saying some stupid shit about the weather, such as, “oh, how much snow do you have right now?” in July
  3. Telling us we’re “basically from Canada”
  4. Messing with our wings

This installment of our blog was suggested by my cousin – she wanted to know if there was any way cauliflower tossed in wing sauce could be a remotely acceptable substitute for our beloved chicken wings. “I can’t imagine that it could possibly pass for wings. I always assumed someone who was not from Buffalo made them up.”

Skillethead and I decided that if we were going to do a cauliflower Buffalo wing recipe, we’d find the least healthy version possible. We went with this one, which is battered and deep fried. Plus, it gave us an excuse to break out Fryer Tuck:

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Not that we need one.

If we’re talking chicken, I don’t like my wings battered or breaded. Just fry the suckers and call it a day. But Skillethead and I figured just deep frying cauliflower with no batter and tossing it in wing sauce sounded kind of lame. Those recipes are definitely out there, though, if you want an incrementally healthier version.

Crispy Buffalo Cauliflower

  • 1 head cauliflower (cut into florets)
  • 1 cup rice flour
  • 1 cup water (more if necessary)
  • 1 tablespoon garlic powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon cayenne
  • 2 teaspoons salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
  • 2 cups panko breadcrumbs (for dredging)
  • 1/3 cup hot sauce (or more to taste)
  • canola oil (for frying)
  • honey (to taste)
  • celery sticks (to serve)
  • blue cheese (to serve)

Start time 8 PM

Directions: Fryer at 350. Break head of cauliflower into florets:

Combine next 6 ingredients for batter:

The only thing we found weird about this recipe was the amount of garlic powder. A tablespoon is a fuckload of garlic powder. We put it all in anyway, because we love garlic, but you could definitely cut that amount in half.

Dunk florets into batter. Skillethead was mildly concerned that the batter wouldn’t stick to the cauliflower, but it seemed to work fine:

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Then toss in the breadcrumbs:

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Deep fry those bitches:

While we waited for the cauliflower to cook, we made this buttermilk dill potato salad which is freaking awesome.

S: *Listening to Grateful Dead* It’s right after Eyes of the World. Things are about to get weird.

B: Things are already weird. God I fucking love dill. It’s in a contest for my top herb. Wait, what’s this even for? Oh right, the potato salad.

Clearly we were very focused.

After the cauliflower was out of the fryer, we tossed it in hot sauce (Frank’s. Obviously.) It made quite a bit:

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Done: 8:55 PM
B: Ooh spicy
S: It needs salt. Also, you should do that shot.

B: You think everything needs salt. ::does shot::

We made them into wraps with lettuce, cucumber and bleu cheese dressing:

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Here’s the original recipe’s pic, for comparison:

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Verdict:

Can they pass for wings? I mean, probably not, but I don’t think they’re really intended to trick you into thinking you’re eating chicken. And they’re pretty freaking good. When they were combined with all that other stuff in the wrap, honestly they’re a pretty decent substitute for boneless, breaded chicken wings. Considering all the deep frying and battering and breading, they’re not really much healthier than actual chicken wings (if at all), so I assume the target audience is sad vegetarians who miss the real thing. We don’t think they would be too disappointed.

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2 thoughts on “How to Upset Western New Yorkers – Buffalo Chicken Cauliflower”

  1. While nothing can replace real chicken wings, I’m a fan of the knock offs. Another good one is buffalo brussel sprouts! As long as you don’t try to tell me “it’s just like the real thing.” Cause no, it’s not. It’s good. But not like the real thing 😉

    Like

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